@mgorny@social.treehouse.systems2024-04-12 18:21:13
ASD, emotional memory, fears
Emotional memory is a bitch, and people in the spectrum are particularly vulnerable to it.
Let's say that something triggers the emotion of fear in you. You may be consciously recalling some bad memories, you may be imagining a possible outcome. However, when emotional memory comes into action, things are much worse. Your nervous system immediately brings the deep feeling of fear that is associated with the memory. You may even no longer be able to recall the memory, forget it entirely, yet your mind will ceaselessly keep hitting you with a whole set of emotions that you can't control, every single time it happens.
What's even worse, these things add up. Bad memories create fear. Fear creates more bad memories. These memories amplify the emotional reaction β and the wheel turns.
But the worst is the lack of understanding. People telling you that you are being irrational, that you are being an embarrassment to your family, that they have to give stuff up because of you. So the emotional memory becomes richer with the feelings of embarrassment, guilt and low self-esteem. All coalescing into a huge ball of emotion.
Today, you know it's not true. The fear wasn't irrational at all, it's pretty understandable in people who are #ActuallyAutistic, even "typical". Yet, what's the point of knowing that, if these emotions are deeply seated in your memory, and they will haunt you forever, and prevent you from ever having an illusion of normal life?
